But I just couldn't do it. I couldn't bring myself to log onto Blogger (or Blogspot, whatever the hell it's called) and actually write something. For one, my password is pretty long. It's not that I don't remember it, it's just that it's long. You ever tried to type out something that was really long? It takes ages.
So what exactly has pushed me to write a blog now? Something big must have happened. Michael Jackson died and I couldn't be bothered to write about it, for fuck's sake. Well, I'll tell you what happened: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen was released.
Remember the first Transformers film? Not the animated one, the live-action one a couple of years back. That was awesome. It was funny without trying too hard, it was rude without seeming like it was just trying to offend or be down with the kids, the effects were decent, blah blah blah. It was a really, really good film.
Now, do you remember Bad Boys? The first one? That was awesome. It was funny without trying too hard, it was rude without seeming like it was just trying to offend or be down with the kids, the effects were decent, blah blah blah. It was a really, really good film. Anyone see Bad Boys 2? I'm sure most people have seen Bad Boys 2 but not Bad Boys. Well, compared to the original, the sequel was a complete and utter mess. It was too epic, it was too out-there, it wasn't that funny and it was too fucking long. But, to be fair, it was still quite enjoyable. It still had Will Smith, the action was still awesome and RIGHT NEXT TO THE MINE
So let's take the amount of fail that it was compared to the original. Multiply that by over 9000, add some robots, replace Will Smith and Martin Lawrence with trash-talking 'hoodbots' and add some white people. Whaddya get? Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.
It was terrible. Absolute trash. Completely and utterly fucking awful. And should I really have been surprised? Not that I was that surprised; I did expect it to pale in comparison. I didn't expect it to lose brain cells and hobble around a bit as if it had been caught getting head of its own grandmother. Did they expect us to orgasm as we discovered that 90% of the scenes from the trailer took place in the first five minutes? Did they expect us to feel as though they're on our level as Sam's mother accidentally ate pot brownies and subsequently acted like a drunken fool on steroids and a hundred cups of coffee? Did they expect us to cry with laughter whenever Niggabot 1 and Niggabot 2 appeared on screen and insult each other with hood slang? To be fair, and tragically so, a lot of the audience did. Which further proves that most of humanity are complete idiots.
I'm not going to claim I'm not opinionated, and that I can't be a douchebag about it at times/most of the time, but I am perfectly aware that you like what you like, and it doesn't really matter. However, if you found this film enjoyable, you are an idiot. There's no other way of looking at it. You're a fucking moron.
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. It's like taking the last twenty minutes of Return of the King and expanding it into a 150-minute torture session. But worse. Take every cliché you could possibly think of, make them more cliché, and you're not even close. It's not even so-bad-it's-good, it's just fucking bad. Now everytime I watch the first one, I'll get horrible acid-flashback-like memories of this one. Having to sit for three hours, writhing in my seat, sighing loudly, fidgeting, banging my head against my knees, seeing the people around me getting visibly annoyed but not caring, actually getting out of my seat a little bit at one point and throwing my arms into the air while quite audibly saying "What the fuck is this!?".
And yes, before you ask, I am going to see Transformers 3.
