In the space of around three months, I have thought about many things that I could blog about. Michael Jackson died; I could have attempted writing a blog noting the correlation between the lack of my writings and the decline in Michael Jackson's health (it is there). Eminem's latest, half-baked effort (on which my opinion tends to fluxuate). The amount of fail that Burger King is compared to McDonalds (this is definitely something I will return to). My futile attempt to continue to not join World of Warcraft (and my destined-to-be-futile attempt at not returning to it). And there was swine flu! Anyone notice that?
But I just couldn't do it. I couldn't bring myself to log onto Blogger (or Blogspot, whatever the hell it's called) and actually write something. For one, my password is pretty long. It's not that I don't remember it, it's just that it's long. You ever tried to type out something that was really long? It takes ages.
So what exactly has pushed me to write a blog now? Something big must have happened. Michael Jackson died and I couldn't be bothered to write about it, for fuck's sake. Well, I'll tell you what happened: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen was released.
Remember the first Transformers film?Not the animated one, the live-action one a couple of years back. That was awesome. It was funny without trying too hard, it was rude without seeming like it was just trying to offend or be down with the kids, the effects were decent, blah blah blah. It was a really, really good film.
Now, do you remember Bad Boys? The first one? That was awesome. It was funny without trying too hard, it was rude without seeming like it was just trying to offend or be down with the kids, the effects were decent, blah blah blah. It was a really, really good film. Anyone see Bad Boys 2? I'm sure most people have seen Bad Boys 2 but not Bad Boys. Well, compared to the original, the sequel was a complete and utter mess. It was too epic, it was too out-there, it wasn't that funny and it was too fucking long. But, to be fair, it was still quite enjoyable. It still had Will Smith, the action was still awesome and RIGHT NEXT TO THE MINE
So let's take the amount of fail that it was compared to the original. Multiply that by over 9000, add some robots, replace Will Smith and Martin Lawrence with trash-talking 'hoodbots' and add some white people. Whaddya get? Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.
It was terrible. Absolute trash. Completely and utterly fucking awful. And should I really have been surprised? Not that I was that surprised; I did expect it to pale in comparison. I didn't expect it to lose brain cells and hobble around a bit as if it had been caught getting head of its own grandmother. Did they expect us to orgasm as we discovered that 90% of the scenes from the trailer took place in the first five minutes? Did they expect us to feel as though they're on our level as Sam's mother accidentally ate pot brownies and subsequently acted like a drunken fool on steroids and a hundred cups of coffee? Did they expect us to cry with laughter whenever Niggabot 1 and Niggabot 2 appeared on screen and insult each other with hood slang? To be fair, and tragically so, a lot of the audience did. Which further proves that most of humanity are complete idiots.
I'm not going to claim I'm not opinionated, and that I can't be a douchebag about it at times/most of the time, but I am perfectly aware that you like what you like, and it doesn't really matter. However, if you found this film enjoyable, you are an idiot. There's no other way of looking at it. You're a fucking moron.
I was going to write a blog entry on Valentine's Day about Valentine's Day. However, seeing as I could no longer draw anything negative from my point of view, the piece would have been boring and unfair. But, today was a day far more epic in terms of concept: Shrove Tuesday, otherwise known as PANCAKE TUESDAY!
As well all know, Pancake Day originates in 1947, the year after Jesus rose from the dead and killed Hitler and his Nazi followers, not revealing he had done so until the last Tuesday of February 1947. They celebrated with pancakes that Jesus himself cooked. These pancakes were so delicious that mankind have been trying to make pancakes as good as those ever since. I decided that, for the first time, I would have a go at accomplishing this. My first attempt failed miserably, as did my second attempt. I was following the instructions of a highly-detailed, traditional recipe by Delia Smith. It ended up looking like something you'd get if you crossed Slimer from Ghostbusters with the Cloverfield monster.
However, after I viewed a 55-second how-to video on YouTube, I was able to make many perfect pancakes, which I consumed with sugar and ice cream. But not before filling the kitchen with smoke and probably nearly setting off the smoke alarm which, if you remember my first blog entry, is very fucking loud and would have resulted in my death at the hands of my rudely-awakened mother.
So, again. YouTube beats tradition. But then again, who the fuck thought otherwise?
Dave Grohl is one of the only men on Earth who, if he were to come up to me and offer a full-on kiss, I would accept. No alcohol or drugs required. He is the definition of Manly and Awesome. You really think Chuck Norris is that great? You obviously don't know Dave Grohl.
He's in a band. Foo Fighters. You probably know of them. They're a good band. However, when Dave Grohl announced the Fighters going into a long, long hiatus late last year (like, a five or six year hiatus), I was glad. His reason for this hiatus was so that they could make time to do other things, give the fans a chance to really miss them, and to come back with something fresh and more original.
THAT'S why I was glad. As good as they are, if there's one thing the Foo Fighters are not, it's original or exciting. Like, in the slightest. As much as some people wish to deny it, they really only have two songs: the chord-mashing sort-of-spoken verse then sort-of-yelled chorus anthems, and the finger-picked crooned ballads. And it's really dull. Listening to an entire album of theirs is like bouncing a bouncy ball off the ground and catching it. It's fun at first, but very quickly becomes boring and almost becomes challenging. But always mildly entertaining. A band can be overrated or underrated by critics; but when pretty much every critic gives the music of a band an average review, then you have a band that makes average music.
Hence my disappointment when Dave Grohl recently announced that they were working on a new album. So that made the hiatus that he said would last over five years...four months long? Nice one. Let's hope they've had a musical reinvention and will try something different. I mean, seriously, why do you think an average Foo Fighters song takes literally a few minutes to write? Because most of them are the fucking same. Please guys, make me want to listen to your stuff without giving me that horrible feeling of familiarity.
Seriously, look at him. He's fucking awesome. And I managed to write a blog entry without mentioning Nirvana!
I have predicted The End. I'm not talking about that My Chemical Romance song that sounds exactly the same as Five Years by David Bowie (seriously, I don't know why they haven't been sued for that. And on the subject of MCR, their new song is balls, when you cover a Bob Dylan song you should add something unique to it, not just distort the guitars and throw in a guitar solo). I'm talking about The End of All Things. On Facebook.
As anyone that I know with a Facebook account will have probably gathered, the Trolls have been getting their due revenge on the douchebags that inhabit Facebook. Although most of the time they just attack the innocent bystanders that inhabit Facebook. In any case, the trolling has come on strong, and is slowly moving towards an e-penis battle between Internet Tough Guys. So, this is how The End of All Things (on Facebook) will occur. Simply put, some serious beef will go down, possibly causing Facebook to collapse on itself. At the very least, friendships will be destroyed and dignities will be torn to shreds. This will all happen within the next few weeks. Stay tuned.
World War IV might be fought with sticks and stones, but World War III is being fought with provoking text and pictures of cats.
P.S. The most likely cause of The End of All Things (on Facebook) is actually the fact you can now "Like" ANYTHING YOUR FUCKING FRIENDS DO.
Holy heck! Did you know the SCIENTISTS and EXPERTS from SOME PLACE IN GERMANY have done lots of RESEARCH and EXPERIMENTS have OFFICIALLY DISCOVERED and PROVEN that SMOKING LARGE AMOUNTS OF CANNABIS ON A DAILY BASIS CAN HELP CAUSE TESTICULAR CANCER IN LATER LIFE!?!??!?!!!?!!?!?!!?!!
Well done, News of the World. Smoking large amounts of anything will help give you some form of fucking cancer.
A few years ago, I always said I'd never enjoy the music of blink-182, and that they'd never return because Tom DeLonge just wouldn't have it. So why am I here, on the 9th of February 2009, celebrating their comeback? Well, okay, 'celebrating' is the wrong word. 'Being happy about it' is probably a better phrase. In any case, it's odd that I've gone from despising a band to the point where I wished death upon the members to actually STFUing and enjoying them. Well, let me give a possible reason as to why I hated them so much in the first place. It's a reasonably simple explanation: I based my opinion on them on comparisons to other bands such as Nirvana. When I was introduced to blink-182 in the buying of two of their albums at a car boot sale, I was in Year 7. And I was obsessed with Nirvana. And while I was still willing to listen to anything else, for some reason, I decided to pick on blink-182 and hate them because they weren't as good. Which is retarded; I realize this now. You can't base an opinion of a simple pop-punk band by comparing them to a band like Nirvana. So, last year, I decided I'd give them another chance, as I stumbled upon Stay Together For the Kids, which I heard and thought was brilliant, before being horrified when I realized it was blink-182. And I found myself enjoying them.
And now here I am, sitting at my laptop, watching the Internet going slightly crazy due to their appearance at the 51st Grammy Awards coming with the announcement that the band are indeed coming back with a new album and a tour.
Did anybody else notice Tom DeLonge acting really awkwardly during the announcement? I mean, it's completely understandable, given the nature of the break-up, but it's still quite funny.
Maybe this means Angels and Airwaves will fuck off, eh?
PROTIP: When someone has told you to log on to Facebook in the hopes of some discussion and they're appearing online or writing on your Wall, remember to check the top of the page and see if you have any messages. It might just be me, but Facebook should really make it clearer when you have new messages in your inbox.
Last nights blog entry received over 40 comments. Obviously, my comeback was highly anticipated and welcomed.
I must say, I got rather annoyed when Skins fans completely dismissed the third series because of the cast change. It was the logical direction for the series. How can a college drama be about University students? Answer: It can't be, you stupid cunts. Just allow the series to unfold as it should and hope that the third series at least brings us lovable characters that we can relate to again. Because that's what Skins is, right? A series based around characters.
Maybe these people were right. Right for the wrong reasons, but they still might have been right.
This new series is utter, utter balls. I mean, of course the last two series were more extravagant than being a teenager irl, but come on. This series just aims to be wild and, for some reason, more violent than it needs to be. The characters themselves aren't even worth paying attention to, as they're either annoying douchebags or boring douchebags. In the first series, we had Tony and Sid. Tony was a douchebag. But he was a good character: he was manipulative, good-looking and funny. Sid...do I really need to explain why he was awesome?
He was Tony's best mate. Why was he Tony's best mates? They were almost complete opposites. Add the fact that he was madly in love with Tony's girlfriend, and you're at least partially intrigued as to the hows and the whys. These are the characters and situations we're missing in the third series. What best-mates-but-fuck-knows-why duo do we have leading the third series? Annoying douchebag Cook and boring douchebag Freddie.
Cook? Moar like Cock, amirite? And Freddie? Moar like GTFO My Show You Boring Twat, amirite? And we seem to be getting a poor re-invention of the Tony/Sid/Michelle triangle, because Freddie likes Effy (for some reason), but Effy keeps letting Cook fuck her (for some reason). Seriously, why? Why is Cook allowed to tap Effy so much? He's a complete fucking dick with none of the charm that kept Tony from being despised as a character.
Then, you've got the constant pathetic attempts at making the show the most WILD AND CRAZY AND DOWN WIT DA KIDZ SHOW EVAR with all the focus from the writers going on fitting in opportunities for the characters to smoke weed, get wankered, have sex or beat someone up. The writers seem to have completely missed the point of their own show: instead of giving us a smart and occasionally hard-hitting show, they've put all their efforts into the less-dramatic, more-crazy side of the show.
Well fucking done.
Maybe things will pick up for the second/fourth series, which will probably see misery brought upon their lives and most likely see one of them die. You know, mirroring the darker tone of the last series, which saw the shows most popular character kick the bucket (I mean, seriously, wtf?) and everything just generally being really confusing and depressing.
Anyway, this was a pretty pointless rant, because everyone who I'm aware reads this blog either doesn't watch the show or does watch the show and knows all this already. But I needed a rant, you know? I haven't written on the blog in like, two weeks. Which is odd, because I should have more inspiration for writing, seeing as I recently got one of those things...what are they called? A girlfriend? Something like that. I won't reveal her name for the sake of annoying people, but I will say that the name she usually goes by rhymes with 'sexy'. You knows it.
